Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
handjob tips. give me some.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
