My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
