In the future we'll all be gay
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
