And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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