best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize