I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
