You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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