When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
