Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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