u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
