I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
