yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
