worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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