great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
