In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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