I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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