I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
