If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
