community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
