Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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