Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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