Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
