I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Every concussion has its silver lining
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
