I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
