I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
