i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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