He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
