she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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