That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
