we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
