He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
