walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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