so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
