Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
