Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
