Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we're so committed to being not committed
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
