my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
