Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
