Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
