Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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