I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
