I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize