:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
