YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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