make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
