I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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