I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
