and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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