No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
