uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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