____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
