I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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