she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
