Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
