Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
