so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At least life still wants to fuck me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
