I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
