If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i out mim tonsoeep
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
