I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He better not be in your backpack
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
