ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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