I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize