I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
