I am puke
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
