Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
