We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Randomize
