There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
