I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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