I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
