nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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