And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
